Carlehr Swanson

Can you imagine being told you’re good at something your whole life, then get to college and not be half as good as you thought you were, or maybe not good at all. Just plain BAD! Ok, I’m exaggerating. In high school, it wasn’t hard for me to stand out. There was one girl that played the snare drum, one person that played classical piano, one person who competed in pageants and gave out signature cards, and one person that said the morning announcements. ME!! I had it ALL!!! All I had to do was smile, and teachers gave me what I wanted. In college, it seems everyone wants what I want. After two weeks, I called my mom crying saying, “I don’t think being a music major is for me”. I felt so silly, as I looked at my self cry on FaceTime. (it wasn’t cute) I was struggling terribly in music theory (it’s improving) and felt way behind musically. However, my mom reminded me that I had to work for what I wanted. (something I never did before). I developed a regime where I practice and study non-stop, which works beautifully. I just don’t sleep or eat like a normal human-being, but it’s whatever. The other day, I listened to Pastor Terry Anderson (via YouTube, he lives in Texas) talk about dreams. He said that everyone has a dream that God has placed in our hearts, and we must exercise those gifts/dreams to the best of OUR ability. God doesn’t want us to be THE best, just OUR best. Speaking of dreams, I remembered what I’d previously been taught about dreams. 1. Your dream will be fought, misunderstood, and slandered. Satan doesn’t fight a man made dream. A 8x 10 dream can’t fit in a 4×6 mind. 2. Your dream will require your constant faith. Your mind didn’t get saved. It may seem illogical to your mind. 3. Your dream will appear to die at least twice before God resurrects it. 4. Your dream will require strategic anointed battle seed.(the word) When I took these notes while watching BET in the wee hours of the morning, I had no idea I would need them so soon. After reminding myself of this, I stopped questioning my dreams, or major for that fact. Before every performance, I pray. I don’t pray to do well, or to not mess up. I pray that God moves me out of the way, and He takes over. After that prayer, I am at ease, because God doesn’t make mistakes. In my Art of Teaching Music class we’re learning about teaching strategies. For a grade, one student must volunteer to be a student and one must be the teacher. After watching numerous students stand in front of the class awkwardly teaching instruments they don’t play, I decided to be the student. Feeling inferior to my other classmates, I prayed that same prayer again. Everyone else played Bach, Chopin, and many other old guys. Since that’s what’s causing me the most anxiety at the moment (classical piano), I decided to play something I actually liked. I still felt anxiety because I’m not a trained vocalist, other’s are. (silly thoughts right?). I got to pick my teacher, so of course I picked my friend Oshea. I sat down, introduced my song to the class, and collected my thoughts. I started Summertime by George Gershwin, and I could feel the atmosphere change, something shifted. After I finished, Dr. Lapple, who’s quite energetic, asked the class ,”Who feels inspired?” I’m thinking to myself. Inspired? By what?. She went on to say, “Who oozes soul out like that at 10:03 in the morning”. She then asked the class for feedback. The comments were along the lines of “I could actually feel it”, “She delivered it”, and “ I connected to her”. Little do they know, it was God moving. After I took my seat, the teacher talked about how the next lesson would be “Performance Anxiety”. She stated that it’s more of a lecture based topic. However, after today’s class, she felt inspired to teach it differently. With all the stress of thinking I’m not good enough, I forgot what my true calling and goal was with my music, to let God use me as a vessel, and to let other’s experience the same joy I get whilst performing. I simply want to touch others in everything I do. I discovered that I wasn’t less talented then my peers, it was just my work ethic prior to college wasn’t becoming to someone who wanted to be great. Reality went 0-100 real quick, but I’m secure in that whatever I receive is meant for me, and everything I want, but don’t receive is motivation for me to work harder. Continuing to Chase Dreams…. And not boys haha (I need one of those shirts) Until next time!