In brief, these last six months have been a whirlwind. In January, I had a list of schools to visit, projects to complete, and songs to learn. Well, the projects are complete, the songs have been learned, I graduated, and I am moving to Miami in a few weeks! Like a good pastor says before a sermon, “I won’t keep you long.”
Initially, I would have described the last four years as “crushing”, because I cried more in these last four years than I have in my whole life. Yeah, I worried about classes, but that didn’t “crush” me. At times, I felt that everything around me was moving except me. I couldn’t study it away, I couldn’t find a tutor, and practicing did not help. It didn’t feel good, and it wasn’t good.
I frequently worried myself with problems that were never mine, to begin with. We all have special gifts, and those gifts come with special instructions. I was not following the instructions I received with my special gifts. I didn’t understand why God would allow me to reach the end and let me feel incapable of completing the task. Now I think it was because my obsessive behavior wasn’t allowing me to remember why I sing in the first place or Whom I sing for. Second, my perspective was all wrong.
All this time, I thought of my struggles as hardships, but I was going through a season of pruning. Before and during college, I had a lot of characteristics that weren’t cutting it (as my mom would say) and God just cut those dead branches to increase my growth.
Minus the constant stress, the grey hair I found last week (Lord, please don’t let this black crack), and the EXTREME pruning process; music school provided everything I ever wanted. All my life, I’ve simply wanted to sing. Music school gave me opportunities to do that, a space to grow, and friends to do it with.
Thank you for tuning into four years of “sad girl” post-ha-ha. This blog allowed me to express myself. In the process, I didn’t realize how much these experiences would resonate with others, so I continued to share them. We always share our best selves Online but suffer alone. Here’s to suffering together…
I know the next chapter of my life will bring new challenges. However, this time, I’ll recognize these challenges as my preparation for greater. If I forget about this, and you see me crying, tell me greater is coming!
There have been many battles, but I am thankful to God for allowing me to win the war.
Until next time… Bienvenidos a Miami
Carlehr Swanson 