Carlehr Swanson

      On July 10th, 2015 Heaven gained one of the fiercest angels ever. My grandmother may have left me physically, but I feel her presence more than ever before. This year has been difficult for me, but to be honest these last FOUR years were quite difficult for me. The person I loved the most had Alzheimer’s and couldn’t be there for me. I lost an Aunt, Uncle, and the love of my life, My Grandmother. As a child she always told me “Honey, I pray the Lord keeps me to see you graduate from High School”. By the time my graduation came, she wasn’t able to talk or walk.  Even though she couldn’t tell me how she felt, after I left, her nurses told me that she cried. That lets me know we’re connected on another level, because I felt like crying too, just knowing she wasn’t there. After graduation, I felt a sense of relief, that I could finally focus. We had regular nurses coming in for my grandmother, and I was no longer being harassed by….. never mind… I’m not trying to make this sad, so let me tell you how God puts everything into perspective. My senior year was one of the busiest times of my life. I freaked out a lot about college visits and all my auditions. One particular day I couldn’t go to Virginia Tech because no one would sit with my grandmother. I learned that Virginia Tech would always be there, and things weren’t as critical as they seemed.(they let me audition online) No matter what plans you have for your life God’s plan is the only one that will manifest. My grandmother didn’t want to stay with us. She left three times. I was okay with that because it was hurtful to see her that way. She still lived with us and we took care of her until the end. It didn’t matter what I wanted. Before my grandmother got sick, she told people exactly how they made her feel, in a nice way. (of course) Often times she did the same for me. I like to think of it as a characteristic I’ve developed over time. Band was the most difficult thing I’ve ever did. I was mistreated by students, and adults! The drum was heavy, the music was problematic, and I spent many Friday nights on the sideline. The sad thing is, sometimes the band was my only outlet from my home life. Just because I wasn’t the best drummer, I felt as though I had many other things to offer musically. Some teachers have problems with parents, and don’t treat the child any different; others do not. At my senior band banquet, each senior was able to give a reflection. I used this moment to the best of my ability with a thrilling speech about my experience. Including every person that I felt mistreated me. I made it funny so people couldn’t get mad with me, but by the end I think they got the message. I even ended with my favorite gospel song “Let Go, and Let God”. When my grandmother got sick, my family got mad with my mom so they wouldn’t help us, I felt some type of way about this. At her funeral, everyone got up there and said how much they loved her, all she’s done for them, and other LIES. I got up there and said nobody came to visit her, people mistreated her, and y’all should be ashamed. My family is pretty mad, but they’ll be alright. They weren’t doing anything for me anyway, except giving me headaches. There’s a few more people on my list, but I can’t get them just yet. ( Just, wait for it) My grandmother also told me,“ Don’t make it hard for yourself”. Last week I had orientation for college. I kept imagining how proud my grandmother would be. Sometimes I hear her sitting on the phone telling others, ”You know Honey is going to a good school” or “ You know Honey graduated top of her class”; even though I was about 20 people away. I know I have an  arduous task ahead of me. I heard that it’s difficult losing someone when transitioning to another part of your life. It is, but I feel closer to God than I ever have in my life. These last couple of years were a test of my faith, but I strongly believe God is only preparing me for what I asked for.(to be successful) I have to really be successful now because I’m making people mad left and right with my new found outspokenness lol . I sound really confident about this now, but I was going crazy a couple of months ago.If we want other’s to grow spiritually, we must share OUR experiences. Grandma, I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck. I’ll see you later, because you said never say goodbye.